expletive inserted

KL and I went to the US Open last night and saw some great tennis. The Williams sisters beat the crap out of each other until Serena prevailed, and M. Fish put up a great fight with Nadal for a while. We’ve been lucky enough to have a great ticket hookup over the past several years, so we’ve gotten quite adept at navigating the area, dealing with the crowds, and generally getting the most bang for our bucks while there. Here’s a few tips I think are worthy of sharing.

Prep Work

1. Money. Use your bank’s ATM before going. I recommend $100 bucks. Should get you enough beer to drown in.
2. Your own food. Dinner and snacks. Get some good sandwiches from somewhere. Food and drink here is an even bigger rip-off than at most events. All brought in items must be in a non-sealed container.
3. Water.
4. Bring this stuff in disposable plastic bags, or better yet, some sort of cloth bag that you are positive will get through their stupid bag requirements. (No med-large backpacks)
5. Sunscreen
6. Sweatshirt
7. Hat
8. Sunglasses

Getting There

The train is the only acceptable way to get there if you live in NYC. If you are driving, you are out of your mind, and I can’t give you any applicable advice besides, “Stop it!”. While living in NYC, you somehow need to get yourself to the 7 express train. Local is not a good option for getting there. We live downtown, so for us, the preferred route is the 4/5 to grand central. Here are our specifics.

1. 4/5 Stop at Wall St.
2. Enter at southern most entrance.
3. Once through turnstiles, walk 15 feet to the right.
4. Upon getting to Grand Central, you will magically be right in front of a staircase leading to the 7 train.
5. Take it.
6. When you get to the final set of stairs before the 7 platform, turn right.
7. Up ahead, towards the eastern end of the platform, there is a newstand.
8. Move about 10 feet east of that.
9. Wait for the express train. It is incredibly faster than the local, and you are going way out there. 7 Express is denoted by a diamond on the side of the car.
10. When you get to Shea, magically, you will be exiting the subway exactly at a staircase that leads down and off the platform. You should be able to get ahead of the rest of the train crowd, which will be important for the next part.

My father swears by not bringing bags, and zipping though the security check. I don’t agree. It has never taken more than 15 minutes, and the amount of money and indigestion you save by bringing your own food more than makes up for it. Say hi to the guy dressed as a giant doublestuffed Oreo, commiserate with the grounds staff. The bag check is cursory and quick once they start moving.

Getting Drinks

Congrats! You got there! Ahead of the crowds even. Now what? Want a drink? Pass the initial stands at the entrance and head inwards, toward Arthus Ashe stadium and you should get to the second set of drink stands. If you are lucky, there won’t be a line yet. Whose sponsoring this year? Grey Goose? Nice. The signature cocktail this year is a $13 Grey Goose Honey Deuce. Vodka, Chambord, Lemonade and a trio of melon balls on a stick. Pretty pricey, but a good way to start off the night. Step up and order yourself one. Tip the bartender before he starts making your drink and make sure he sees you do so. They don’t have the ridiculous auto-measure doohickeys that most sporting events have, they get to actually use a jigger/pony so, if they are feeling appreciative, they might dump an extra half shot in for you

Now, look to your left, tons of tables. Why is no one sitting there? Because they’re all stuck in the subway mire which you smartly avoided by being a subway ninja. Grab a table, or pop a squat anywhere in this area, settle in, eat your non-ridiculously priced food, enjoy your drink and relax until your matches start.

Once inside the stadium, during the match, the only thing worth buying is the commemorative $9.50 extra novelty sized beer. Generally crap beer, but hey, you get to keep the crappy cup too. You can use the same cup for the rest of the night and get it refilled. Good for the environment and your drunkenness!

Closing Thoughts

Well, you made it. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the awesome tennis. Hopefully. Last words of advice are use the bathroom and go for refills during a game, not in the space in between sets or games. Oh, and if you are at the night session, good luck getting back! The 7 is now most likely running local, but still for $2.00 or, you know, free if you have a monthly card, you can’t beat it.