expletive inserted Does cursing make you feel better?

New Linux Distros for 2007

So here it is. A silly list of my Linux predictions regarding new distributions for 2007. I hope it’s not too stupid and someone besides me actually gets a laugh out of this.

  1. Jewbuntu
    • Auto power off or sleep mode determined by Sabbath mode timer and slider for setting degree of observance.
    • Image filter extension installed by default on Firefox and modified to detect and prevent viewing of cheeseburgers.
  2. Net2.0BSD
    • Replaces GNOME with javascript and css based desktop environment.
    • All administration takes place via a version of Webmin modified heavily to make use of the scriptaculous and prototype javascript libraries for fancy effects.
    • All configuration files stored in JSON or XML. No mandate is made on standards for either.
    • All icons replaced by badges.
  3. Microsoft Novellista Linux
    • SUSE gets re-branded to look and feel like Vista.
    • AIGLX and appropriate binary drivers are packaged and installed by default. Configured AIGLX settings to behave as closely to Aero as possible.
    • Rare is forced to develop BSODFX (Blue Screen of Death Effects) beryl plug ins. Your old kernel panics never looked this good.
  4. Virgin TopHat Linux
    • Richard Branson joins up with the Fedora Core team.
    • Attempts to break Mark Shuttleworth’s world record for most amount of money dumped into Linux in the shortest amount of time.
    • Early reports about SpaceShipThree suggest it will be the first vehicle capable of orbital flight that also boots from from a LiveCD.

And there you have it folks. Proof I am both a giant nerd and have too much time on my hands. Happy new year.