Sweet Monkey Crap in a Handbasket.
It’s hot. It’s way too goddamn hot. I hate this weather. It stagnates my creativity. It keeps me from cooking for myself. But you know what? Only you know how to keep the heat off of yourself with the foods you know and love. Maybe a cold tomato sandwich with a smudge of mayo is your thing. Or a nice, chilly gazpacho. Or even better…
Easy-Ass Pasta Toss
This is the kind of dish that’s more of a technique than a set-in-stone meal. It’s easy as hell, tasty when done right, and customizable as a Scion. Me, I like to use whatever’s on hand, and for some reason, I’ve always got the following around the house:
1/2 lb. dried linguine
1 10 oz. package of white button mushrooms, washed and sliced (any shroom’ll do, really)
2 tbs. capers
1 tbs. cooking or olive oil (not extra-virgin, and I’ll tell you why in a second)
1 tbs. butter
2 Roma tomatoes, seeded and chopped
2 cloves of garlic, smashed and chopped
1/2 tsp. white wine vinegar
Cook the linguine according to box directions, stopping just at al dente. Drain and let sit (the longer it sits, the longer it’ll keep cooking. Time yourself accordingly.)
Drain, rinse and crush the capers in paper towels to smush out the excess moisture. You’re going to be crisping them, and that means heating them in oil. Hot oil plus water equals owie. Put the capers and the oil in a saute pan, tossing to coat before setting on medium-low heat. Toast the capers, shaking occasionally, until crisp, about 3-5 minutes. Remove to a plate lined with paper towels to drain. Don’t go throwing away that capery oil. We need that.
We need it because it’ll raise the smoke point of our butter, which you should be adding to the pan. This is why extra-virgin wouldn’t work – it’s pretty much useless at high temperatures, and we need these mushrooms to be nice and toasty. Keep the heat at medium until the butter melts and starts to foam. As it’s foaming, raise the heat to medium-high and just as it stops, toss in the garlic. Work quickly here, you don’t want the butter or the garlic to burn. The instant you smell tasty buttery garlicky bliss, throw in your mushrooms. Spread them out evenly and let them sear for two minutes before shaking them around. There’s no set time to this – just alternate between stirring them around and letting them sit until they shrink up and reach that tender, golden-brown state.
In a large bowl, pour out the mushrooms and oil. Add the pasta and toss to coat. Add the tomatoes and capers to the mix, tossing until well mixed. Add the vinegar, salt and pepper to taste, and stash the mix in the fridge. Congratulations – you’ve got a chilled noodle-mushroom toss to enjoy when you’re feeling peckish on these balmy New York nights.
(You can obviously serve this hot, too. Just skip the vinegar and toss with 1/4 cup of freshly grated parmesan and garnish with some fresh chopped parsley.)